Last week we evaluated a clip of Hue Jackson telling Baker Mayfield he would be the backup quarterback.
If you haven’t read that post, I encourage you to do so before reading this one.
Let’s contrast that conversation with a similar one, but this time between former Tampa Bay Buccaneers coach Dirk Koetter and linebacker Riley Bullough.
In this clip, Koetter informs Bullough that he didn’t make the starting roster but will be on the practice squad.
While you watch the clip, pay close attention to:
How he greets Bullough.
The details he shares to explain the reasoning behind the decision.
How he creates space for Bullough to comment and ask questions about the decision.
Important Note: This clip belongs to HBO, so you won’t be able to watch it directly within this article. You’ll need double-click on the video below to watch on YouTube, then come back to this article to evaluate Koetter’s approach with me.
Double-click on the video below to watch, then return to this post.
The difference between this interaction and the one between Jackson and Mayfield is astounding.
This interaction was respectful, informative, and balanced.
…
Let’s evaluate Koetter’s one-on-one communication approach:
1/ He treats Bullough like a human being, not a commodity.
As Bullough enters the office, Koetter stands up to greet him with a smile, a friendly tone, and some quick small talk.
It’s clear Koetter knows that his job is people first, football second.
Although he’s about to deliver difficult news, he doesn’t take the “human” out of himself to do it.
This is where I think many of us go wrong.
Delivering difficult news makes us uncomfortable, so we try to “fix” that discomfort by taking the emotion out of it.
We decide it’s “just business,” and convince ourselves that a stoic approach will cause us less discomfort and the receiver less hurt.
But this doesn’t change the fact that we’re emotional beings.
When you share difficult news with someone, you’re sharing information that’s going to change their life — often unexpectedly.
Just because you say it isn’t personal, doesn't change the fact that it’s going to feel very personal.
Recieving difficult news is an emotional experience.
Well-respected professionals honor that experience by prioritizing the human in front of them over their own need to feel comfortable.
2/ He offers specific details to help Bullough understand the decision.
Koetter shares with Bullough:
His position is one of the deepest on the team
His strengths are his leadership skills and playing the run
He needs to get better at playing the pass
It might not seem like much, but this is valuable information for Bullough.
A professional athlete’s livelihood depends on knowing how to earn and/or keep their spot on the team.
If Bullough knows that the Bucs coaching staff doesn’t think he’s skilled at playing the pass, he knows what he needs to work on.
By definition, a coach’s job is to help their players improve their skills, performance, and overall success. So when a coach is vague and chooses not to share the specifics on why they’re cutting an athlete or changing their playing status, it seems odd and ill-motivated.
3/ He makes space for Bullough to make comments and ask questions.
Toward the end of the conversation, Koetter asks Bullough: “What are your thoughts right now?”
AND THEN HE LISTENS!
Profound stuff 🤯
As author David W. Augsburger wrote:
Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person, they are almost indistinguishable.
In Closing
As Ben Horowitz wrote in his book, The Hard Thing About Hard Things:
There’s no recipe for really complicated, dynamic situations.
Sharing difficult news is uncomfortable for everyone involved.
You DON’T need to solve that discomfort.
You DO need to share the difficult news with compassion, using clear and straightforward language, and then you need to listen.
If you’re willing, please share your own evaluation in the comments of this post.
If you enjoyed this post, please hit the ❤️ button and share it with someone who might enjoy it, too.
If you’re interested in working together or bringing me in to assess your team/organization’s communication, let’s talk.
Thanks for reading!
Jenny
Love the References to the books , Many Thanks Di