Communication Lessons from Coaching Conversations #3 (Part 1)
Featuring Football Coach Hue Jackson
Hue Jackson’s coaching career began in 1987. He started in the collegiate setting and moved into the NFL in 2001, serving as a running backs coach, wide receivers coach, quarterbacks coach, and offensive coordinator.
In 2016, Jackson was named head coach of the Cleveland Browns. That season ended with a 1-15 record, and the following a 0-16 record.
The Browns fired Jackson in late 2018. He left the team with a record of 3–36–1.
The clip we’re evaluating today is of Jackson (ineffectively) leading a coaches meeting.
While you watch the clip, pay close attention to how Jackson’s communication tactics and tone affects the “temperature” in the room.
Important Note: This clip belongs to the NFL, so you won’t be able to watch it directly within this article. You’ll need double click on the video below to watch on YouTube, then come back to this article to evaluate Jackson’s approach with me.
Double click on the video below to watch: Jackson leading a coaches meeting
Now that you’ve seen how Jackson communicated with his coaching staff, do you think it’s a coincidence that his team was the worst in the league?
I think not.
Effective and respectful communication might not guarantee success, but ineffective and disrespectful communication guarantees failure.
…
Let’s dig into Jackson’s communication approach:
First, after some staff leaves the meeting, Freddie Kitchens (running backs coach) speaks up.
It sounds like he wants the injured players to dress for practice. Even though they won’t be physically participating, I’m gathering that he wants them to be with the team on the practice field — listening and contributing in other ways.
As soon as Kitchens finishes his first thought, Jackson jumps in immediately with a response.
Here’s problem #1: Jackson doesn’t practice active listening
We humans have an innate desire to be heard and understood.
When we feel heard and understood, our self-esteem increases, our connection with that person deepens, and we become more receptive to differing opinions, and even criticism.
Go deeper on active listening:
Reflect on a time you felt truly heard and understood in a professional setting. Then, answer these questions:
How did it affect your self-esteem during that interaction?
How did it affect your perception of your relationship with that person?
How did it affect how you showed up in future interactions with that person?
Jackson skips this step entirely.
Instead, he (indirectly and condescendingly) explains to Kitchens why these players are being kept out.
It’s condescending because it’s apparent Kitchens already knows this.
Kitchens didn’t ask for an explanation as to why these players were being kept out; he requested a change in process.
If Jackson had practiced active listening, he would have:
Allowed Kitchens to finish speaking, then say: “What else?” (This question would signal to Kitchens that he was genuinely interested in hearing more from him and give Kitchens an opportunity to add anything he may have missed in his initial message)
Then he’d say: “Before I respond, let me be sure I understand what you’re thinking here… (paraphrase what Kitchens said in his own words). Did I miss anything?”
Then, he would directly answer Kitchens’s request and follow it with any necessary explanation to help Kitchens and the rest of the coaching staff understand his decision.
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After Jackson’s initial response, Kitchens (bravely) comes back in and says, “Well, I understand there’s a rhyme and reason for doing it…” only to immediately be interrupted by Jackson.
Here’s problem #2: Jackson bulldozes Kitchens
As Kitchens (bravely) tries to rearticulate his request to Jackson — since he didn’t get an answer the first time — he’s immediately cut off.
Jackson continues to explain why these players are being kept out.
That’s fine, but he still isn’t addressing Kitchens's initial request.
This could be as simple as Jackson saying something like: “I hear that you want the injured guys to dress and be out with the team for practice. Our team is underperforming, and the guys who are out aren’t contributing as much as we need them to. And you’re right… maybe having them out on the field will shift the energy and attitude of the entire team. The sticking point for me is… (explain why he doesn’t want to do that). Right now, for me, the risk is greater than the reward. Are you open to reevaluating after we see how the week goes?”
Not only does Jackson shut Kitchens down at that moment, but he changed the future of their professional dynamic.
If you were Kitchens, how motivated would you feel to continue sharing ideas and making requests?
Not very.
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Next, Todd Haley (offensive coordinator) jumps in and says, “I have an opinion on it.”
He begins to tackle the same topic Kitchens started but takes a different (less direct) approach.
He tells Jackson that their choosing to keep guys out as a “preventative measure” allows fear to drive their decision-making.
After making an open-ended plea, “I just don’t know how we’re going to do it,” Jackson begins to respond, “Well, I respect you saying that. I mean, I used to sit in the same chair…”
Then, Haley jumps back in to finish his thought (it appears he had more to say).
Jackson immediately puts his hand up to Haley and directs him to stop talking so he can finish.
Here’s problem #3: Jackson criticizes Haley for behavior he himself just exhibited with Kitchens
Just a moment ago, Jackson interrupted and bulldozed Kitchens and now he’s reprimanding Haley for interrupting him?
Apparently Jackson’s social rules apply to everyone but himself.
This might not seem like a big deal, but think about how many people are watching the way Jackson is managing these interactions.
This is exactly the type of behavior that degrades the psychological safety and trust that’s necessary for competent professionals to have crucial discussions.
If the running backs coach and offensive coordinator aren’t allowed to share their ideas and opinions, who is?
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As Jackson continues to explain to his coaching staff that they don’t understand because they’re not head coaches, we see Haley take his hat off, rub his head, look away, and then put his hands together behind his head.
Here’s problem #4: Jackson misses critical social cues and ignores the “temperature” in the room
You can literally see how frustrated and disrespected the coaches feel.
How does Jackson miss this?
Worse, he doubles down on his egocentric strategy: “Speak now or forever hold your peace. Get it out.”
If these coaches didn’t feel heard and understood, now they surely feel disrespected.
Jackson saying “Get it out” insinuates that he’s viewing this as a venting session and not a collaborative discussion among experienced and competent professionals.
It’s dismissive and passive-aggressive.
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As we near the end of the clip, Haley concludes his thoughts with some words of encouragement — directing his words (via eye contact and body positioning) to everyone but Jackson.
Then, Jackson shares a closing message.
“Guys listen, I’m excited about what you’re doing. I’m gonna say it again, but the chair I sit in, a little different than the chair you guys sit in. I get to watch from a different lens. Ok, and I think you guys can all respect that. At the end of the day, I get to drive this bus. And I’m gonna get it the way I want it. That’s period. That’s just how it works. […] But this is how we do it. We’ll always have these kinds of discussions because I’m only trying to make it better.”
Oof.
Here’s problem #5: Jackson gaslights his coaches
“We’ll always have these kinds of discussions.”
This was NOT a discussion.
By definition, a discussion is an exchange of ideas, opinions, or information between people with the purpose of exploring a topic, reaching a consensus, or exchanging viewpoints.
At no point did Jackson make any effort to listen, understand, or entertain the perspectives and ideas of his coaches.
He let them talk, then he bulldozed them, then he tried to convince them this was a respectful and productive discussion.
This is gaslighting.
In psychology, gaslighting is a form of manipulation in which someone tries to make another person question their perceptions by denying the validity of their experiences, feelings, or thoughts.
When Jackson says “We’ll always have these kinds of discussions because I’m only trying to make it better,” he’s manipulating the narrative of what went on in this meeting.
I guarantee no one else in that room would label this interaction a “discussion.”
Go back and watch the faces and body language of all of the coaches in that room as Jackson is saying this:
… eyes down.
… looks of defeat and frustration.
… crossed arms.
… total disengagement.
In closing
Effective and respectful communication might not guarantee success, but ineffective and disrespectful communication guarantees failure.
*Part 2 coming later this week*
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If you’re interested in working together or bringing me in to assess your team/organization’s communication, let’s talk.
Thanks for reading!
Jenny
Yes a very good demo of Gaslighting ✅