The power of an index card
Four practical communication lessons you can apply today
This is a story about me, but there are many lessons for you.
In 2001, at 13 years old, I received this “Player Evaluation” index card from my club volleyball coach. Little did he know, he was saving my volleyball career (and my self-confidence):
At the time I received this card, I hated volleyball.
Why?
Because I sucked. Or at least that’s why my 13-year-old brain told me.
I remember thinking, “If I’m trying this hard and still suck this bad, this isn’t the sport for me.”
Even worse was the embarrassment of only getting playing time when we were guaranteed to win the game. (Or maybe it was how loudly my mom and friends would cheer when I finally got playing time).
Then, a few months into the season, I got this index card.
I think I read it 100 times that day, thinking: “This feels good,” and "Maybe I’m not as bad as I think.”
This card became my lifeline. It was the only reason I decided to keep trying.
And I’m glad I did.
I ended up having an epic volleyball career split between Division 1 and Division 3, and this year I’ll be inducted into my college Hall of Fame.
This card meant so much to me that I saved it for 21 years.
…quick side story: I found my coach’s email address a few weeks ago and sent him a picture of this card along with the story. Here was his response:
Why am I sharing this with you?
Because your words have tremendous power.
You’re in a position right now to have this kind of impact on someone in your life — an athlete, a client, a colleague, an employee, an intern, a student, a friend.
Here are four communication lessons you can take from this story:
1 | Lead with strengths
His evaluation started with the positive aspects of my character and natural abilities.
How you start sets the tone for your communication. It’s what the receiver looks to when determining whether they can receive with an open mind or if they need to brace for impact.
Imagine being 13 years old and reading that opening first.
Because he led with strengths, it allowed me to take in the rest of what was on that card through the lens of: “I do bring value to the team.”
2 | Don’t personalize critical feedback
Did you notice how he left the word “you” out of his critical feedback?
Instead, he focused on the desired action or outcome:
“Key is arm swing & snap…”
“We need to slow the ball down…”
“Work hard on weak side picking up ‘junk’ and tips.”
Why does this matter?
Because critical feedback already feels personal. Throwing the word “you” into it can create unnecessary self-doubt and defensiveness.
When you instead focus on the desired action or outcome, the receiver doesn’t have to protect themselves from anything. They can simply focus on the work to be done.
3 | Leverage the power of the collective
When referring to areas I needed to improve on, he didn’t put the task entirely on me.
Instead, he leveraged the power of the collective:
“We will work hard to keep improving.”
“We will work on - many reps.”
“We need to slow the ball down…”
“We will spend more time…”'
The collective word “we” is powerful. It’s a word that fosters rapport and trust.
4 | Paint a picture of what kind of future is possible
In his evaluation, he referred to the “future” three times:
“Can see a future ‘lethal weapon’ on right side!”
“A big key to the future success of our team.”
“We will spend more time blocking in future practices.”
The word “future” was powerful in this example for two reasons: (1) It made me feel safe — I wouldn’t be losing my spot on the team, and (2) It opened my eyes to possibility I had previously been blind to.
I had a lot of work to do. I knew it and he knew it.
But instead of focusing on the ‘right now’ (which was important considering I was only 13 years old), he chose to focus on what the future held for me if I was willing to stick with it and work hard.
This leaves us with one important question…
Who can you give a lifeline to today?
Hit the ‘Like’ button or share your thoughts in the comments below.
The best compliment you can give me is to share this with another coach.
Thanks for reading!
Excellent piece, thanks for sharing Jenny!